The Power of Positive thinking

Positive thinking is very crucial in our lives. It is in fact, our main reason why we are (or at least able to)escape the harsh reality. More than likely, it keeps us from being in a negative state of mind. It’s easier said than done to think positive “all the time”. However just because you’re in a precarious situation, doesn’t mean you should’nt look at the glass as half full. Everything is all about perspective. The more you have a positive mindset, the better your odds of having a wonderful day will be.

positive thinking

You have to be able to think and grow rich in your daily life in order to prosper. It’s always vital to be success conscious at all times. One of the few ways that’ll boost positive thinking is speaking affirmations in to the universe. The universe has multiple ways of giving you whatever it is that you desire. Inversely, it can give you the things that you dislike as well, the more times you repeat it. This is why you have to be careful of which words you say. Hence the term:

“Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.”

The other beautiful thing about the power of positive thinking is the autosuggestion of positive thinking. What is autosuggestion? Its the hypnotic or subconscious adoption of an idea that one has originated oneself (e.g. through repitition of verbal statements to oneself in order to change behavior). Although the subconsicious is 90% of your brain, it doesn’t know the difference between what’s real or fake. The more times you repeat something, your subconscious would take that and it would put it out to the universe.

positive vibes only

Think of all the successful people who had nothing in their humble upbringings. I’m pretty sure they had to understand the concept of positive thinking for them to be where they are in the present day. Similar to the sports athletes winning their first championship after facing adversities in their lives/careers. Even the ones who were successful in their careers but couldnt get over the mountain top of winning a championship. Unless they were out of their prime stages and joined another exciting team (For example; Gary Payton and Alonzo mourning on the 2006 Miami Heat team).

For the superstar players that stayed in the league for longevity without winning a championship,the things they can think positive of is entering the Hall of fame sooner of later in their lives. Come to think of it, its not bad at all being enshrined in the HOF because its a moment where everyone can remember the great times of your career. Most people can say they won a championship, however most people cant say they’re in the Hall of Fame.

positive thinking

In Conclusion.

The power of positive thinking is the light at the end of every tunnel. I’m not saying it can cure depression because nothing can cure depression. However, it can at least help bring happiness so that you don’t fall too deep into depression. You can hate your job, the people you’re around etc. Yet, put it this way; time moves a lot faster when you’re having fun. It prolongs when you think too much of the situation. Especially if you don’t want to be there. I’ve spent six years in the army and I’ve disliked about two thirds of that duration. When i did have fun, my monthly drill weekends went by pretty fast because I thought positive.


It got to the point where I had more fun at drill than I did in target. That’s how bad I hated target. I would’ve never thought I hated something more than drill weekends. Nonetheless, the power of positive thinking can take you a long way in life no matter the circumstances. Though you can’t meaure intangibles such as desire, faith, patience etc; you need to have a lot of these things to get you by in certain areas of your life. If you still don’t believe much about the power of positive thinking, keep this in mind:

The only limitations you’ll ever have are those that you place on yourself.

Tell me how has the power of positive thinking helped you in life?

Let me know in the comments below.

Thank You for reading!


The Affirmations and the Ways You can Utilize them

It’s Good to say your Affirmations.


With every waking moment possible I tend to make a habit of saying my affirmations. Affirmations are phrases/sentences intended to affect the conscious and subconscious mind. With doing so, it may change the way you think and behave, give you motivation, and keep your mind focused on the goal. Making a habit of stating affirmations personally makes me feel like a brand new person afterwards. It gives me the feeling of being ready to accomplish any task given. It’s a ritual I’ve been doing for the last month or two and by far, the greatest thing I’ve ever done. What got me started on affirmations was watching many  Law of Attraction videos on youtube and subscribing to some of the channels offered. By doing so, it became easier to get in the habit of stating affirmations. I believe everyone should get in the habit of stating  their affirmations of choosing  at least six times a day. The more times you tell yourself positive statements the more positive influence you’ll attract ( Law of Attraction). LOL.

If you’re having a bad day, persevere by trying the  following affirmations repeatedly:

I am Abundant now in all areas of my life.

I have the ability to produce this feeling within me and therefore it’s already mine.

Because I’ve claimed this, it now activates within me, the fullness and wholeness of my limitless self. As I now realize my new mastery of my own consciousness and feelings, I attract all that I desire.

I live in the complete alignment with the energy that I originally own.

I feel and breathe this truth. My subconscious mind is now completely aligned with my Master Intention and creates new beliefs that match it.

All that I desire is now transformed deep within my subconscious mind as the wholeness of who I am. My Master Intention is now in Harmony & Union with all that I desire.

All thoughts and beliefs within me are in alignment with this Master Intention because I know I have the ability to feel the way I choose to feel in any moment.

I am whole and fulfilled. My intentions, my being, my subconscious & conscious mind are all one in Harmony & Alignment with my heart’s desires.

Know Your self, Know Your Worth

Know Your self, Know Your worth

know yourself know your worth

Everyone is unique in their own way. That’s what makes us all different and special about ourselves. I’m definitely a firm believer of the mantra, “Know Your self, Know Your Worth” because it is only YOU that know your entire being. How you speak, act, think, carry yourself etc., describes your entire worth (or what you over/underestimate it to be). Knowing yourself is the best gift you can possibly (or at least top 10). However, you’d be surprised of the many people that don’t know either or.

The Thirst Trap

I’m not going to say EVERY woman who thirst traps have nothing POSITIVE to offer; for that would be ignorant of me to say. Due to the fact that I don’t know ALL women, i’m not viable to make that statement. I’m sure there are (a majority of) women such as strippers, models, pornstars, “bottle service technicians” (which is by far the funniest name for an occupation that I’ve heard in my opinion) or women who love corn flakes that take provocative photos in their leisure. That’s totally fine. I find nothing wrong with that. Do as you do. However, what I can talk about is what I’ve witnessed in the 12 years I’ve been on social media. Don’t worry, I’m not going to put every experience on here, I promise. It’s just that certain women would go to a store to try on clothes that don’t fit; to go in the dressing room, snap a picture of themselves and post it on social media. Then, they’d put a caption that has EXACTLY nothing to do with the photo such as:

  • “I’m getting thick”
  • (enter any bible verse here)
  • “I wonder if this fits me”
  • “who left the milk out of the fridge?”

I guess the term “post your pic and go” doesn’t apply to you, I see. So, you wore the outfit that couldn’t fit you in which nobody knows you have sand in your vagina. Maybe you have a yeast infection. You advertise yourself on social media with some bullshit ass caption seeking attention. Suddenly you look in the mirror and realize you didn’t like the outfit so you put it back where it belongs JUST for someone else to have sand in their vagina. After you posted the picture, you end up getting 13 likes in 6 days. SAD panda.

Listen I’m a huge fan of curves (if they’re proportionate). If you knew your self and what your worth was, you should’ve worn clothes that fit. Maybe you would’ve gotten an extra 5 likes for being SMART and tasteful.

The Irony.


With the sure fact most women post thirst traps (either by accident or on purpose), they dont really seem to be into men’s comments. Regardless if its respectful or not, women are more in tuned with other women say because I’m assuming that most men who respond are “thirsty.” They ignore the men, yet play along with the women. Women end up getting compliments and/or “dic-tures” and they advertise on their news feed. Which doesn’t make sense because if you weren’t interested to begin with, I’m pretty sure it’d take less time and energy to block, delete and keep it moving. Now you wasted your time showing out to your followers to boost your self esteem. You just gave him free promotion. How silly? That’s another example of NOT knowing your worth.

Here’s where it gets exciting.

Sunday I was at work doing a double shift. I finished reading my book and decided to go on Twitter. I scroll on the timeline and (OF COURSE), I’d see a woman post a thirst trap. However, a guy commented on the picture conversing with friends about sports on the thirst trap. When I saw the thread of the conversion, it was the best idea I’ve ever seen. I laughed and told myself:

“This is too good to be TRUE”

I continue scrolling and see another thirst trap with yet a different conversation from other guys.

“Could this be a new phenomenon”

“Is this a game changer? because if so, I’m a fan! LOL

But of course, when there’s SUN, there’s RAIN.

Some women who are known to post thirst traps didn’t take heed to the new phenomenon quite well. Proclaiming it to be “corny,” “lame” or “stupid.”

I’ve seen one girl say:

“If you didn’t like the thirst trap, you could’ve just scrolled past it”

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? LOL. Another girl swung for the fences and posted a picture with her ass poking out and said:


Next thing I know one of my followers were conversing about how horrible the NFL Pro Bowl was. The women went as far as calling the person “Gay” or a “cornball” because he didn’t want to acknowledge the thirst trap in which he wanted to misdirect the rhetoric of the fat ass to start an intellectual conversation. Meanwhile, I thought women didn’t like when men complimented or thirsted under their pictures. Now they dont like the idea of misdirection when its not in their favor.

My words to the women who are very upset of the new phenomenon:

If you knew your self and what your worth was you wouldn’t be so hateful. Now you’re upset because you don’t like the attention you’re NOT receiving. Now you gotta take the sand out of your vagina.

The Plus Size of Everything.

As I said earlier, a woman with curves is a beautiful sight to see if they’re proportionate. A lot of people may not like plus sized women. That’s ok. However, we must understand that not everyone is universally attractive. Also, I enjoy the liberation of plus sized women on social media. In fact, I applaud their confidence. Society is in a way accepting plus sized women NOW compared to how it was 20-30 years ago.

Here’s my problem.

I would see a plus sized woman post a before and after photo of herself about her being overlooked when she was younger and the transformation that she became. Then she’d write a long ass story about it (which is fine because she learned to love herself as time progressed- I like that). However, what happens when you tell ONE joke MULTIPLE times? Answer? The impact isn’t as powerful. They’d do the same thing on different consecutive pictures. Leave MLA formats and Christmas-esque wishlist on it saying the exact same thing. What makes this all bad is that they’re quick to say:

“I dont care what anyone else thinks”


“I can do what I want”

Yet, you’re posting this for attention. Seeking validation for what reason? It was great the first time. You dont have to ruin the bowl of Frosted flakes by adding MORE sugar when it’s already SWEET enough. Now you have guys sending you dic-tures while looking at you selling Flat Tummy Tea/fake fashionova apparel. Next thing you know you’re posting a picture with a 1000 word essay as a caption talking about you were “overlooked as a child” so now you’re “some fire ass bitch who don’t answer DMs unless its about money for my premium snap.” Some guy gave you $5, but that’s not enough to take you to work and back home on the train. You then go to drastic measures by dancing/swinging on the pole on the 5 train heading to Eastchester/Dyre Avenue. Someone threw a quarter at the side of your head. Now you’re on the floor with a concussion. Someone dragged you out of the train and left you on the East 180 street platform. It’s 22 degrees outside; 11:37 PM and you’re shivering because you didn’t dress warm. On top of which you have a knot on the side of your head. Cold world. You should’ve not only knew but loved yourself and your worth. You probably would’ve avoided the headache (no pun intended)

Some of you might say:

“Dec, I dont know why you went this hard for… It aint that deep, you being wild corny!”

First of all, shut the fuck up forever. It’s not my fault these digital dickheads don’t understand how to love themselves enough for the better.

The Root..


All jokes aside, lets get to the root of the issue. Most of us have people we associate with or interested in from time to time. Yet we feel as if we give too much of ourselves to those who show limited or no reciprocation at all. For example, lets say you want to go out with a friend or someone you like. You’re very interested in being accompanied with their company that you enjoy their time a lot. They reply with “I’ll let you know” or “I’m busy.” Although they can have a potentially busy schedule, NOBODY is TOO BUSY for anything. Especially when they’re VERY interested. People make time for who they want to make time for. The president of the United States is the busiest man in the world yet he makes time for the first lady.

So, lets do the math in our Cam’ron Killa season voices shall we? Ok.

There’s 168 hours in a week.

Know your self know your worth

  • The average amount of work full time is 40 hours.
  • Now you’re down to 128 hours.
  • A person sleeps for about 49-56 hours (without interruption)
  • Which means without working, you have 2 whole days (unless you sleep a lot).
  • That would bring it to 72-79 hours left.
  • That means work and sleep put together is 96 hours with 72 of being awake.
  • Going to school full time is 12 hours more or less (I haven’t went to college in almost 7 years so forgive me for not knowing the correct amount of time).
  • Now you’re down to 60 hours of being awake.

SO you mean to tell me that a person can’t text within those 60 hours?

Listen. If you are to ever catch yourself double texting someone and they’re not giving you any type of communication, take a step back, pray/meditate (if you’re not on medication) say your affirmations and continue your day. I promise you it’s the fastest way to live within your truth/ knowing what you’re worth. By then, someone may come along the way and would die for your attention. It’s funny because I’ve been on a social media cleanse lately. I would care to talk to someone a lot to see how they’re doing. However, they’d give one word answers or not reply at all. So I delete them from everywhere (even from my phone). I don’t need negative frequencies around my aura. I am abundant and time is of the essence. I am worthy for all positive things that come into my life and most importantly…

Challenge is GROWTH.

Let me know what you think in the comments and dont forget to share across your social media platforms. Thank YOU!

Inspiration: How to Master the Outstanding Concept of Life

What is Inspiration?

Inspiration is a divine influence or action a person believed to qualify the person to receive and communicate sacred revelation. Of course, everyone has a motive on what drives them to do whatever it is they have planned. Whether it’s bad or good, something is the engine to their influence. The more the person is inspired, the better chances the person has to master a particular objective.



What inspires Me?

Sometimes looking at successful people in sports entertainment is an inspiration to me. They overcame obstacles to get to the place they’re at; no matter what background they’re from, they haven’t let their circumstances compromise what dreams they’ve did their best to accomplish. The intriguing part of inspiration to me is seeing people who AREN’T as famous as the entertainment figures become successful. It’s as if the more I read about these people, I feel as if I myself, can complete any objective. For example. My girlfriend bought me a book for my birthday titled, “Black Privilege: Opportunity Comes To Those Who Create It” by Charlamagne The God. She said to me:

“He reminds me of you because of how brutally honest both of you are, besides the fact that both of you are Bald and Black LOL.”

Of course she would slide a lowkey backhanded compliment like that LOL. However, The crazy thing is she’s right because that knowing he (Charlamagne) is not the one to bite his tongue on ANYTHING. Whether you love him or not, he’s going to tell you what it is. A lot of people think of him as ignorant probably because he doesn’t care about what people who hates him; thinks about him. Which is basically how everyone should be (though i know in some cases, its easier said than done).  As I read the book, he discusses his background being from a dirt road in Monks Corner, South Carolina. Let me tell you, when i researched that particular place, it looked very isolated on the map. Anyway, he didn’t have the luxurious lifestyle you’d see him with in the present day. He’s been in jail throughout his adolescent years, sold drugs, worked at multiple radio stations in South Carolina (in which later he migrated to New Jersey and met Wendy Williams). In fact, she was the person who helped gave him the opportunity before landing at the most syndicated hip hop radio show; The Breakfast Club alongside DJ Envy and Angela Yee. Though I never been a criminal before, what inspires me about Charlamagne is no matter what obstacles he faced in his earlier life, he was still able to find and create an opportunity for himself (probably still creating MORE opportunities as I write this post).

“It’s not about the size of the pond, but the hustle in the fish”

-Charlamagne The God

He teaches that anyone (no matter what color, creed, religion etc.,) has the opportunity to create an opportunity for themselves. If he can come from nothing to be something later on in life, then anyone else can. Nothing is impossible in life, though it takes a process because Challenge is Growth. If you live in your truth, inspiration helps you master your truth so you’d be able to live without worry.


Inspiration on a chalkboard

Inspiration: A Mental Game

Inspiration is a mental game like everything else. It’s even MORE rewarding when you accomplish a goal because of inspiration.  For example, there’s a guy, Chris Huerta. A Los Angeles Lakers fan who lost 170 pounds since Kobe Bryant’s last game in April 2016. At the time of Kobe Bryant’s jersey retirement ceremony, it was a picture of him on social media with a before and after picture saying “The Mamba Mentality” help inspired him to lose 170 pounds. When Kobe played his last game in April 2016, Chris was listed at 390 pounds. Like anyone else starting out at the gym, the road to reach your goal is VERY LONG. Especially when you’re being tempted by foods that aren’t healthy for you. It seems like everywhere u walk, drive, skip etc, your bad habits attack you more and more to the point where it can be both mentally and physically exhausting. It’s as if once you give in to your bad habits, its VERY DIFFICULT to break out of. As I continued to read more about him, I could only imagine the challenges he had to face with being overweight. He one day said:

“I was sitting at a Taco Bell drive-thru and I was like: ‘Why am I here?’ I’m going to be here again tomorrow. A lot of it was just exhaustion. I was exhausted with being fat.”

The intriguing thing about this story is when I would go to the gym and see people who are overweight, their work ethic is more impeccable than the ones who are more physically fit. I enjoy seeing them in the gym because it shows that they want to get into the habit of being fit. Not only for their health, but for their livelihood. It’s as if they come to the gym to focus on a goal, instead of showing off being boastful. It even gives me hope because I’d always look forward to seeing the end result. The AMAZING thing about Chris Huerta is he was able to help his brother lose 40 pounds. So it’s proven in most cases that Consistency and Inspiration is Contagious.


all rise

Inspiration: How a negative can be a positive.

You’re probably thinking to yourself, “This is an oxymoron.” Well, though it’s perceived to be one, it’s not. Let me explain.

You can be in a negative situation. Homelessness, toxic relationships, unemployment, eating pasta with a spoon, pouring milk before cereal in a bowl, whatever. There’s always a positive in each situation. Reason is because, the negativity should inspire you to do more with yourself. At my times of unemployment last year, what inspired me to do better was watching DJ Khaled and Kevin Hart on Snapchat. Their work ethics were (and still is) amazing to me. To the point where when I was hungry, watching their snapchat stories made me forget about my hunger. When i was down to my last $5; ready to waste it on Popeyes, I would watch their stories and my hunger would disappear.

Of course, this wasn’t available to me when i was in Basic Training in the Winter of 2011. However through my hunger times then, what inspired me was the fact that we all went through the same thing as soldiers. Boxed in without any source of food after we ate at certain times. Candy and any type of sweets were contraband. Even small packets of peanut butter. If you were caught, it was going to be a SHORT bedtime and LONG night of being disciplined.  A select few number of soldiers didn’t make it out of Basic Training (for whatever reason). What inspired me to keep going was my mind wouldn’t let me quit any obstacle. Even when at times were rough. Of course, the most negative thing about the experience is not researching my (Military Occupation Specialty) job prior to enlisting. On top of that enlisting for 6 years. The positive thing is i can commit to anything I put my mind to. Hence, I’ve received my Honorable Discharge a month and a half ago.

See how something negative can be a positive? I know.. pretty mind blowing.



Inspiration: The Conclusion.

You have to be able to know what inspires YOU to unlock your potential. Inspiration (synonymous to motivation), can take you very far in life. As I said earlier, I understand it’s easier said than done. However, it all starts with YOU. You can’t say (if your goal is to lose weight), “I’m going to go the gym consistently, everyday and eat right.” Then, you have a cheat day and then give into the habit of incorporating more cheat days, eating junk. Now you’re on social media looking stupid with the caption on a vintage picture saying, “Take me back to this.” Well, that’s your fault for not being consistent with what inspired you to begin with. I believe that’s fair to say, right?

If you don’t know what inspires you, research inspirational quotes on social media since it’s about an abundance of them. Keep in mind that Challenge is Growth, as you’re inspired. The best thing about inspiration is the Growth after the Challenge. You can overcome anything you set your mind to. If you’ve done that, then you’ve mastered the concept of inspiration that is called, Life.

Let me know what you think in the comments section and don’t forget to share.

Motivation: How To Know that Challenge Is Growth


Motivation: Providing with a reason to act in a certain way

Have you ever felt the need to do something because something inspired you? Or either woke up one day and thought, “I cant do this, but I have to?” Of course, we’ve all been there. Either doing our best to get out of a bad situation; Or seeing something that inspires us to unlock our FULL potential. A challenge.

If you feel like you’re in a dead-end situation; whether its relationships, jobs that you DISLIKE very much etc. I promise you, there’s light at the end of the tunnel; easier said than done. It’s very much a cliché. But I can also promise you, it’s not impossible.

Take it from me.

I’ve had numerous occasions where I felt like shit is taking too long; saying to myself, “Why is Life very difficult?” or “Why’s this happening to me?/How do I get out of this situation?”

thinking aboyt...

I’ve spent 6 years in the Army. Specifically, you might ask, “What’s worse than spending SIX years in the Army?Being in the Infantry. I can pretty much say that although I’ve never been Active Duty before, it’s still sacrificing my weekends to do some bullshit in the woods. Best believe, it’s hard to have motivation when we’re sitting around doing nothing. Or even worse, Training in bad weathers!

Motivation: Fort Polk; “The Devil’s Asshole”

I went to Fort Polk, Louisiana for the summer of 2016 for three weeks. For one thing, I never wanted to leave the Army so fast before that summer. Could you imagine? Training in conditions where its 105 degrees EVERYDAY?! Spending 12 out of 21 days in the field? It got so bad, that even some of the Most Physically and Mentally tough soldiers, passed out MULTIPLE times.

*me sweating profusely in the prone position*:

I Gots To Get the Fuck Out of Here. All I have is one more year. WHAT THE FUCK!

Just to make matters worse. I’ve seen a soldier dehydrated to the point where the medics had to stick a thermometer in his ass THREE TIMES! They more so had to cool him down with a cold wet blanket so his body can reach normal temperature.

You think it cant get worse than that? LMAO. Remember when I said “We’ve spent 12 days in the field?” Imagine. Walking around with so much gear on, in a training environment. Waiting for the enemy to attack. Meanwhile, It’s Blazing Hip Hop and R&B..HOT 97 (plus more) outside. Which means our enemy wasn’t JUST the people that was coming for us. We had to fight the WEATHER and TERRAIN.

Profusely sweating without having the chance to change my shirt, I’ve caught prickly heat on my back, neck and shoulders. Listen, I never wanted to go AWOL before that experience until then. It’s by far, worse than anything ive experienced. I’m thinking in my head:

how could anyone ever live in such a HOT ASS FUCKING STATE?!

Hard to think of motivation in the Devil’s Asshole.

It’s very difficult to maneuver with prickly heat on your back. The gold bond Body powder was of some assistance but it wasn’t doing much. The only Clear cure for this Bullshit is a shower. Which seem close yet so Far Away. Besides a shower, what my motivation was the end of my contract the following year.

Motivation: Challenge is Growth.

I’ve spent 3 weeks in Australia this summer. Compared to the “devil’s asshole, Louisiana” it was actually a vacation. Though it couldn’t feel like a vacation because I also thought of the death of my brother, Damien (in which ive written about him in The Surreal Moment post in the blog). I sat down one night and spoke to Staff Sergeant Melton about everything and I was curious about a lot of what we do. I asked him:

Sergeant, I understand the infantry is supposed to be the most physically and mentally demanding job in the military, but why do we have to sleep in the woods in almost EVERY drill.? And why the fuck we had to spend 12 days in the box ALMOST EVERY year for the last 3 years?

He laughed and told me that the “job isn’t for everyone.” He also said that It has been “pretty rough for the last few Annual trainings but it should die down next fiscal year. You’ve made it out other than the 50 people who went AWOL before showing up to Fort Polk. Challenge is Growth, man”

Since then, I lived by those words ever since. That was the best advice given to me, EVER. Which makes a LOT of sense.

Motivation:  The Conclusion.

Of course, I’ve stated earlier that it’s very difficult to motivate yourself in worst conditions possible. I’ve learned VERY LATE in my military career to understand that Challenge is Growth. I Live by those words everyday. I grew so much from circumstances that had no choice but to motivate myself. Some of you are in situations where you feel as if you cant overcome; let alone find it difficult to find that light at the end of the tunnel. If you’re ever in trouble that you feel as if you’re stressed out, ease your mind.

Try to Read books that are based on self-empowerment. If you’re a smoker, smoke weed (Personally I don’t smoke because I don’t like the smell but I’ll tolerate it). Soak Your feet in hot water (not too hot, though). Listen to something therapeutic. I love listening to jazz late at nights, because it brings such relief to my daily life. If you’re religious, say a prayer.

Life is hard.

Of course. If it was easy, how would we grow from the challenges that we face? I almost slipped into a log in a swamp at Fort Drum, NY. Lost in the dark in the woods to the point where my night vision goggles weren’t working. I got fired from Target on July 2nd 2015 over some stupid shit, which is the reason why I started this blog. Last year, I was at my old security job. I was let go from a site without warning. Went to the office and asked for a different site. My account manager told me the “only site available that I ca give you is in Long Island. for $9/hour.”

I AUTOMATICALLY refused. He gave me a refusal form, I filled it out. He then left and came back. Told me I signed a “resignation letter.” Basically saying that I resigned (which didn’t make sense but, aiight). You know what I told him?

“Suck A Dick..and fall down some wet stairs sideways”

Then I left.

With that being said, you are able to overcome any circumstance given to you in life. When you get home from a hard day at work; or waking up in the day dreading to go to work, just look in the mirror. Tell yourself, that “I Can get through this.” Or you can just watch Dj Khaled on snapchat. LOL At least that’s what I do when I’m in need of motivation.

Tell me your opinions. Leave a comment. Let me know what u think. Thank u

The Surreal Moment

Surreal Moment..

What’s interesting about life is people don’t have any control of theirs as much as they say they do. God has a plan for us to either STAY or LEAVE.  I’m always wondering why certain people outlive other people. My brother, Damien was killed in Trinidad by police officers. Which he didn’t even live a FULL life in my opinion. He died at 33. I found this news out from my dad the day before I left to go to Australia. So I left work early. I couldn’t be around people based on me being angry at what happened. It’s crazy how I had to sleep this off. I did my best to find out why did the police kill my oldest brother. So, I called mom and she was trying to find out what happened as well. She was already on the next flight to Trinidad. Very Surreal.


To be honest…

I couldn’t even enjoy Australia as much as I wanted to because I was thinking about Damien way too much. I wanted to be alone. Every night for about 8 days, I cried in my tent just thinking about my mom and my grandmother. Why? Because it was so SURREAL that I couldn’t believe that my oldest brother died. I didn’t even compose a single tweet on twitter for about 10 days maybe more. Everything was too much. What’s even more intriguing is being in Australia for 3 weeks would be considered as my LAST annual training for the Army. What made me cry even more is the fact that I listened to “Big Brother” by Kanye West over and over again. Yet it was still SURREAL because I lost my big brother. I reminisced about the seldom few times we’ve had in Trinidad.

One moment in particular….

Was a picture of me playing the Nintendo 64 when I was 10 (sorry if I told my age because of the video game lol) and he was focused on beating in Flying Dragon. Which I think never happened. But anyways, I wouldn’t see him often because he was always out on the weekends (when I visited my mother’s mom). So I can’t say I was close to him like that at all. My mom lost her OLDEST son, kind of hurts me because my mom is sad. Plus I know what he’s been through in life and the tribulations he went through in school. Which made me even cry more because I felt helpless when I first heard about him in ’98.


Emotions run deep..

I was also saddened of the fact that my dad and sister saw him more recently the last time we went to Trinidad in 2012, but I didn’t get a chance to because I overslept at my aunts house. And even then I was sad that I missed my opportunity of seeing both of my older brothers. Basically, I was very quiet for about 2 and a half weeks. Everything that I was thinking of (police related) made me more sad about Damien.

For instance…

I had a conversation with a cop who was a lieutenant in the army about what happened between the murders of Alton Sterling (in Baton Rouge) and Philando Castille (in Minnesota). He told me he was “EXCITED” that he [Sterling] was shot in the chest close range SIX times. He also said the cop who shot CASTILLE was in the right of way because the cop thought he was gonna pull the gun on him (when we clearly saw eventually that wasn’t of the sort). I was distraught by his responses because he felt like Sterling was reaching for the gun when he was detained in which he WASNT trying to reach for the gun and Castille was warned to not “reach for the gun” after he clearly stated he’s “licensed to carry.”

I couldn’t believe he said that..

thinking aboyt...


It was the MOST unnecessary conversation I’ve ever had with a human being; To the point where he compared Soldiers shooting people overseas because of them feeling threatened to unarmed people of color dying from law enforcement. Which is like comparing an apple to a block of cheese. NO CORRELATION.

Can’t Tell Me Nothing.

The lieutenant and I conversed (last year) made me even want to be MORE antisocial from anyone else in my unit in Australia. EVERYTHING regarding Damien; between the conversation I had and the memories I’ve wanted with him but didn’t get a chance to became Surreal Moment due to the fact the police in Trinidad killed my brother. Had that happened HERE..😐 nobody gonna tell me shit because I’m hating every single living being ever.

The “Police brutality” Mural

When I leave and arrive at my house, there’s a building with a mural in the middle of the block. The illustration has the names of the victims who died of police brutality (prior to 2006). Which again I come across that Surreal moment because I cross that building everyday. Now that my brother died by the hands and gun of the police (in a different area) I STILL cannot believe that he’s dead.


“I’m Here if you need me” LOL.

I’ve learned that people have shown me their true colors. It has shown me a lot of people said they’ll be “here for me.” Or “willing to keep an open ear” (while I was away) because of Damien’s death. I got back to the U.S not too long ago. I was asking for them. But, they were ghost. I’ll make it in life one day and it wouldn’t hurt me to say that “nobody gave me shit.” But no worries, I always wanted to become the villain because nobody respects you when you’re nice. They’ll hate me in other forms of nature. I plan on writing more blogs just to keep my mind off the travesty. 🤷🏾‍♂️



Pray for that I have gone through a Surreal moment

It’s been a month since Damien died. I still can’t believe it because it’s so SURREAL that he’s actually dead. So now when someone asks me how many siblings do I have, I’ll feel weird saying three only because

The hand now has 4 fingers.

(Don’t let that go over your heads).😶

The Mask You Live In 🌚🤔

You know…?

It’s human nature to actually not show everyone.. the REAL you because of what society might think. Rightfully so, that’s fine. But at least it’s good to be YOURSELF. It’s free in this world to do as such.. but then again, some people actually feel to fill a void to hide their insecurities… so they need to be EXTRA to OVERCOMPENSATE the fact. Everybody got a mask these days..

mask part 2


For instance… I know you all somehow associate with a type of nigga who’s FLASHY with everythkng he has to offer from CLOTHES, MONEY and CARS (if he’s a driver) on the outside but on the inside doesn’t really match lmao

let’s start with him..

I see some of y’all like to show a facade,
Your comfy in ANOTHER skin which seems pretty odd;
You lie to yourself as an attempt to put up a front for the crowd,
It amazes me so much that I’m wondering how.
And some of y’all niggas STINK, but u mask it with cologne,
Buying designer clothes yet NOT having enough for your phone;
You tuck your shirt in your jeans to show off your belt… the Brand is HERMES,
One thing about tables is that they always turn.
But nobody can stop your show, until reality sets in,
Look at you tryna impress a bitch who wear $10 leggings (LMAO);
She crosses your path.. so you show your confidence,
But her body language says NOT INTERESTED as she make it obvious.
You shoot your shot! But She ignores.. so it’s a brick.


She stop and turns back as you see her approach you,
I guess you “can’t stand when a DIME acts antisocial” (tony yayo reference)🤣

You act all smooth as she isn’t impressed,
She gives you this gruesome look as if she’s smelling your breath;
To mask your rejection, you act as if you never seen her before,

Her: “You paid a lot of money for that belt, yet I assume at home .. you prolly sleep on the floor“🤣😭🤣😭

Niggas…Do you pay rent for The Mask You Live in?
The way she figuratively carries a bag to put your masculine in,
Do you buy you self esteem as if it was a utility?
The hurt you feel inside so she has no sympathy.
Expensive taste with beer money… yet you can’t afford to fill up a void within,
There’s broke conceited niggas in the world that I don’t even know where to begin;
Of the man in the mirror is what you’ll become to see,
the best thing in the world is that Being yourself is free.


I’m doing my best to figure out why when niggas feel rejected they feel the need to show that they’re not hurt so they insult the girl. Calling her names and not charging it to the game. There’s like 6 women to 1 man ratio in the world so someone bound to LOVE the artificial self esteem you’re equipped with. Niggas that tuck their shirts in the jeans to show off their belts feel the need to be entitled to everything!! That a simple … “hey I hope you’re having a wonderful day” even when she ignores saves you SO MUCH GRACE that the next time she sees you more often she might strike up a conversation with you in the next meet up. But instead… she embarrasses you in front your friends (and hers) so you feel twice as hurt.

It’s ok I know the feeling (no I don’t, lmao)🤣🤣


The thing about a mask is…

Niggas aren’t the ONLY ones who wears a mask to veil their true self. Women do it especially. Face Value is more of their true thing lmao. In fact, some women are just as superficial with their exterior beings that they reject anyone that’s below their worth of grade. If they’re a 10, they wouldn’t even shed a strand of hair as someone who isn’t at least an 11. Most women have a mask these days.

But the truth will somehow come to the light of these women, all it takes is a few seconds…

Lemme show Yall something..

You put pounds of makeup on to cover your acne,
Get dressed in provocative clothes, exactly;
100+ likes on Instagram,
Hoping no one knows the REAL you when shit hits the fan.
Fat ass and big tiddies without your personality to match,
Trying to get niggas to fund your PREMIUM SNAP .

You borrow panties from your cousin,
(Oh yes girl, I’m talking to you)

You Strip all week to go clubbin
(oh yes girl I’m talking to u— “No Pigeons reference)

Yet you’re the one niggas say “God damn” Though;
But You got your body done by Dr. Orlando (LMAO)🤣

So you’re at the club while niggas tryna get your attention,
I guess you’ll keep this facade until Reality set in 🌚
Yet you see some Flashy nigga poppin bottles with the fireworks,
You tryna have him taste some Henny up inside your shirt;
U fluff your bra so your tiddies seem bigger,
You bring your friends along to the VIP with ya.

Her: “You kinda cute, so you’d be lucky if my mean ass like you”🙄
Him: “I Guess that means you’re mean to EVERY nigga”

Y’all laugh and have conversations until the end and he taking u home,
Fast forward, u in the whip while u giving him dome;
He like the vibe and the timing is right,
He already know he having a good time tonight.
Y’all go to bed.. you wake up in the morning…everything is good.
According to plan just like you thought it would
He wake up and see you without your second face because it’s in the pillow,
U looked like Pocahontas in the club but now you’re Granny Willow.
He looking close at you and your body as it seems unfamiliar,
Because u don’t seem as GREAT as your Instagram pictures.
Surprised she felt, So she feeling embarrassed…
Went from the MVP to being less than average.

Her: “I know I don’t like look like last night but we should do this again.”
Him: “Bitch, I came home with a 10 at 2 to a 2 at 10!”

“All Lives Matter….. do they Really?? “🤔

Officially; July has begun,

What a week this has become;
Independence Day with cookouts all games and fun,
I guess on the days after, it was all said and done.
And Within the last couple of days, my people have been dying,
When does it end, my beautiful queens are crying;
They lost their sons, brothers, fathers and uncles,
Got killed in the streets but they weren’t looking for trouble.
Phil was killed in his car seat by the cops over a wallet,
Their whole shoot 1st, ask questions later is retarded;
Thankfully his girl had the whole experience recorded,
Yet of course the blues won’t accept their responsibilities for their actions for it.
Alton was detained and took 6 close range to his chest,
Now wtf his family supposed to do next?
He was selling CDs, being a law abiding citizen,
Decided to arrest to him and inevitably finished him.

For those who aren’t black, I want you to wonder,

About the lives that was taken away to six feet under;
Imagine being black in the street with cops always harassing,
It’s like going to court with no trial.
Your people do illegal shit without questions asked,
To this day I’m still wondering how,
You say “ALL LIVES MATTER” ….. Do they really?
If I gave u my complexion for a day, would u feel me?
Can you handle the pressure from the pain of my color?
I’m Being treated unfairly, through the veins of my brother

Amadou, Sean, Mike  lost their lives and got shot.. Evidently,

Knowing since elementary, the blues want us all gone eventually.
In Particular, I want us all to live happily ever after honestly,
But obviously, black people worldwide are mourning constantly;
They take away our fathers, make fun of us for being fatherless,
Do the right thing and our lives are taken over some retarded shit.
A blind person says there’s no such thing as privilege,
you still couldn’t convince me any different;
My people shed blood, sweat and tears.. So what are you asking?
We wear our hearts on our sleeves like its the new fashion…


If you wanna read more of my work go to


“A Mile and a half” 🚶🏽   🎓

A Mile And a Half..

Let me tell you about how much I’ve been reminiscing,
About This smart guy named Larry who never paid attention;
He enrolled in a high school for business
all the advice he’ve been getting from others,
Came a long way from a mile and a half but, he never listened.
an intelligent person but he had bad grades,
Later learned that he regret it on his last day.

From thinking…

About this one girl in particular,
It’s like she mentally abused him, so ridiculous.
Going through the motions, with that and Senioritis,
What good is a counselor without them giving some guidance?
Discouraged from Seeing people departing school to Coney Island.
Thinking about a lot, as if it could’ve been him,
Sitting in class thinking about what could’ve been,
He started focusing more as time was progressing,
The talks of him being a super senior was expected.

Got serious..

Had his thinking cap on as he buckled his clutch genes,
Didn’t think of negativity as much as it seems;
Passed all his tests then he was focused on prom,
Prior to that he went on take some pictures with mom.
Went out and came home about 4 in the morning,
1st time he relaxed all year.. That’s all her ever wanted;
Went to school the next day smiling,
That he ain’t even have to do no more projects.
His guidance counselor called him to office for a very brief meeting,
Very optimistic, for a reason.
But she said “you’re not going to graduate for that you’re short by a couple credits,”


He didn’t know this would happen, but he couldn’t forget it;
She said “though you’re still invited”
He walked out the office insulted, as he lost all excitement.
He felt all his hard work was tainted,
Went to pick up his report card, the day of graduation.
He looked at his friends in cap and gowns,
Happy for them, unlike him because he left with a frown;
Synonymous to Kobe when he lost in game 6
In the NBA finals,
He felt he went through the same shit, as then he figured his life.

Instead of taking the bus home,

He walked about A Mile And A Half,
Thoughts of ineligible to graduate was difficult to grasp;
Though it’s much more to life to put this beside him,
It might be difficult to put it behind him.


It’s one thing to have your life figured out when you’re a child.

It’s another to actually go through life and still feel incomplete. As much as I want to say I’ve accomplished a lot in my life, I haven’t really done anything as notable where I can say at 25,

“I am complete with myself.”

My Best Friend…

Akira is newly 25 and she is having a midlife crisis. To us “25 is the new 30.All of the bills that she has to go through is getting to her along with taking care of a child being a single mom. So even if she has a decent job making decent pay, she’s still can’t enjoy herself. Reality is setting in with life. But the one of many things I love about her is that despite every obstacle she faces, she’s always strong enough to be mentally prepared.

I respect that about her..

Even knowing her for less than a year. It’s as if we’re both doing our best to survive in a very expensive city. I turned 25 months ago and I’m still scared of what’s going to happen (if it hasn’t happened already) if I don’t get into my career field as soon as possible. With what she’s going through now, is the reason why I HAVE to pass every Fire Safety Director course since i paid 180 for the 20 hour school. She says “that’s a BIG risk of a process for me to go through.” And I replied,

“That may be so, but I wanted this challenge and i can accept that.”

Only because it’s a wonderful career choice and it’s not as physically demanding. The trade off is that I have to know about my job along with me knowing about safety precautions of the building that they send me in. So I figured, if I haven’t found something to motivate me since the 10th grade… Knowing the struggles that Akira and I are facing now, would be it.

In comparison.…

Me studying to be a Fire Safety Director would be synonymous as an inner city kid doing his best to get himself out the hood by applying himself to athletics, meaning; becoming an FSD to me is my ticket out of the minimum wage rat race. To LIVE in this beautiful city of New York, I would need to make at least a minimum of $16 or 17 dollars/hour since that would be equivalent to $67k a year, hence the starting pay of an FSD with no experience. I can see myself doing this for a long time.

At 25..

My best friend and I are worried because time isn’t on our sides. We can’t be playing around like these younger cats who are 23 and younger. I find it comedy that a person that’s younger than me says “they’re getting OLDER” as if they’re in a midlife crisis. They really don’t understand how we feel even if it’s factual that they’re getting older. The margin of error is as narrow for people that’s 25 and older than it is for the youth. For sure I got myself out of retail. So, I’m a step above what I’ve been doing last year. I can be happier in a better place, hence Becoming an FSD. I’m out of the Army in less than a couple of years basically by the time I’m 27. I must say that it’s not the end of the world if I haven’t figured out by now what I want to do with my life.

But I DO know that…

I won’t be extending my time of service. The game is becoming fucked up with a lot of changes such as new leadership along with a new generation of people and that I don’t have time for. At least I can say for sure, that I’ve enjoyed my time in the military with a great group of people and have learned a lot in my time. I matured a lot like I haven’t before.

As each day passes,

Dad’s reasoning in his debates with me makes a lot more sense since I’m figuratively reaching 30 tomorrow. He sees I’m out of the rat race, slightly. I would just have to seal the deal by passing every course by next month. I know life is what I’d make it to be. I’m just doing my best to enjoy my 20s as much as I can. In life, two of the many things become difficult as people get older which are;

  1. Dating
  2. Employment.


  • Dating:

At 25, you kind of watch everything such as younger women (who are of age of consent) since they’re about 2 steps mentally above amongst the guys their age. More than likely, they might become a headache. She might be wanting to enjoy her youth, while I just want to lounge in my house playing 2k. Even finding women my age is just difficult. They might be 2 steps above mentally amongst guys their ages. Already in relationships, have kids, or mentally unstable just as much as the women younger. It varies. There women aren’t on the same level as me mentally, so it can be conflicting just as much as I’m not on the same level mentally with a woman older than me.

  • Employment:

As you become older with practically no skill, little to no college education or experience, it’s difficult to even think of wanting a very great job noticing that people’s skills decline due to age at a certain age after a certain point in their lives. Top of which, the competition is just as stupid as the market.

To conclude..

Anyone born after 12/31/91, would never know what it’s like to hit the “Quarter of A dollar.” Also, they wont know what it’s like to have the idea of feeling OLD; especially knowing that I graduated middle school 11 years ago also graduating high school 7 years ago. Basically both almost touching a decade, respectively. People don’t know what it’s like to live something until it’s experienced in its own detail. So just because a 23 year old (or younger person) says “they’ve been doing (whatever verb they’re doing for however long they’ve been doing) for a long time, doesn’t mean they know what it’s like to have that “25″ feel.

You can go through a lot at 18….

and still wouldn’t know how we as “Quartersfeel mainly because of the margin of error in age. Obviously saying when you’re younger than 24 or 25, you can afford to make mistakes. To be honest, the only people that know how we feel as 25 year olds are people OLDER. Since they feel just as worse or greater (depending on what they’re doing with their lives).

I told my best friend that if I make it in life..

She does as well. For that I can and will be the hope she’ll be proud of. In which she is one of the many motivating factors to keep me going in life. I love my best friend and I’ll do anything for her. I can’t say this enough and she’s knows.